1. A Dinner Table Dilemma – A girl was meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time. Unfortunately, she was dealing with a severely upset stomach. As they were seated at the dinner table, she had to try and release some of the crippling pressure and decided to let out a little gas quietly.Her “little” fart resulted in a squeak audible enough for everyone at the table to hear. Their heads snapped up, and the father looked at her, then at the dog lying on the floor behind her chair, and said, “Max.”“This is great,” she thought. “They think it was the dog,” and everyone went back to eating.Five minutes later, the pain returned, and she felt the need to relieve more pressure. Without shifting, she let out another bit of wind, this time twice as loud as the last.

Everyone looked up again, and the father said, “MAX!” much to her delight. Everyone resumed eating.Feeling much better but still not out of the woods, the girl decided to go for the gusto and completely relieve herself from the still-present pain of the gastro-fiend.Brimming with confidence, she let out an unholy ripper, all of which lasted nearly four seconds. Everyone stopped eating and looked at one another. The father put down his fork, rose from his chair, looked at the dog, and shouted, “Max! For the love of God! Get away from there before she craps on you!!”2. The Genius ShopperAs a butcher was shooing a dog from his shop, he saw a $10 bill and a note in the dog’s mouth, reading, “Five lamb chops, please.”Amazed, he took the money, put a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closed the shop. He followed the dog and watched him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop.